He might be my last baby.
That’s the first time I’ve typed those words, and it makes me sad just looking at them.
Because he might be my last, I’m soaking up his babyhood even more than usual. Holding on to him needing me as tightly as I can. The waking up to nurse in the night doesn’t bother me. I’m tired, but I cherish those middle of the night moments with my boy.
I put him down for bed in his crib, and when he inevitably wakes somewhere between the hours of 11-1, I scoop him up. I tell him, “mama is here.” I bring him in bed with me and nurse him until he’s had his fill. He rolls over to his tummy, head nestled tightly into my armpit; his favorite spot. I breathe him in deep and close my eyes.
Anytime I think I should really get him sleeping in his bed through the night, I quickly think of all the moments I’d miss. So many moments like this one. And the thought of that hurts more than any sleep deprivation does.
I love this boy so much. If I could find a way to keep him right here forever I’d do it. No question. My heart breaks at the thought of him being my last, but I feel I can move on without regret because I know I’ve loved this season with every fiber of my being. I’ve soaked it up as much as possible.
To all you new mothers out there, don’t spend one minute wishing away one second. Even the hardest seasons end. I promise you, you’ll blink and you’ll be looking back at these days, wishing you could just freeze time. Take it from this mother of five, it goes by way too quickly. These are the days we will long for and we are living them. Right now. Hearts wide open, friends ❤️ #erinsmotherhoodtalks
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